Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Sorry friends if I'd scared u off in the past few days or maybe week hahaha
I know I'd been awfully mean in the past weeks.
Not to everyone but only to a certain someone.
Ngeehh, like I care xD
Well, I do.
I used to.
But now? No more loh.
Like what I shared in my fb on a passage.
Woman has the characteristic of a cat,
she could be very dependent on you for certain stuff
eg to get ur attention, care etc.
But once u break her heart or should I say,
did something which make her to permanently stop depending or even care about u,
thats it.
From your action in the past week,
make me totally realized that how lowly had I put myself in.
Other than irresponsible and no gut,
I really have no idea what to say about u?
I did try my very best to treat u well, I really did.
But sadly, I just can't control myself but to put up a barrier.
Yes, a barrier towards u.
and only u.
U should be proud of that u know?
The barrier is specially set towards u.
Why?
Ohhh, ask yourself man.
But I guess guys will never be able to figure out why.
Should I tell u why?
Fine, I will.
You behaved like a total asshole.
Why even bother digging up the past in front of the old friends?
What are u trying to do or say?
Was it that fun to let the whole world know you did facial in my room?
Was it that fun to act intimate with me in front of the old friends when we don't even have the bloody reason to do so?
Who do u think u are?
What do u treat me as?
I feel like I'm worse than a whore u know?
If u want to say that I'm being over sensitive, fine,
I do admit that I'm sensitive.
But who are u to treat me that way?
When u clearly said that you don't see us happening in the future?
Well, I think I did not make myself clear.
So, I won't completely put the blame on u.
The purpose of me confessing is to let u know that I like u.
Not that I'm expecting anything from u.
Not like I want to develop into a deeper relationship.
All I want is that whether u like me.
I do aware of the fact that u further studies in a far away land.
Not only will there be culture difference, but time difference is very much a big deal as well.
I did not expect u to commit or whatsoever.
But at least,
PLEASE,
RESPECT me.
Up until now, u did not give me a reply whether u ever like me?
Now I actually wonder that, do u ever like me or all these while, the feeling has been a one-sided thing?
U said that a guy treat u well could be out of courtesy.
So, should I assume that all these while, everything you did is out of courtesy?
Even though, I did feel your strong jealousy towards some of my friends?
Was this a one-sided thing too?
I wonder...
You can lie to the whole world,
but please,
at least be honest to yourself.
Do you know how tiring am I in the past week?
I have to put up my best smile when I was gathering with the old friends.
When left individually with u, I still have to put up my best mask to prevent awkward moment from happening.
Do you know how tiring was it?
Will you ever understand?
Or do you even give it a damn?
In the past week, I really feel that there is a few times that I almost break down.
I felt like I have split personality...
I tried hard to tell the world that I'm okay.
I really wanted to ...
But your action is not helping me at all...
Do you know how painful, how suffering was it?
Will u ever understand?
Or again,
Do you even give it a damn?
I wonder...
I really wonder...
Your jealousy towards my friends are so real.
Your action and expression can never lie.
Your joy and happiness when I requested to take photo with u,
are so real as well...
You are as happy as a kid whom received a present from santa claus.
Or is this just a one sided thing as well?
I really wonder...
Was it i too sensitive that u too were heavy-hearted to bid me goodbye?
I really wonder, could it be possible that this is a one-sided thing as well??
You told me you can't feel my feelings toward u at all during the KL period.
Is that even possible?
Was that even logic when I portrayed it in such an obvious way?
Do u even bloody remember that you told me all these while you know?
Yet past week,
you are so bloody to actually tell me that you can't feel it at all?
Do you know how contradicting u are?
On Valentine's Day, even better.
"Better".
You asked me should you buy me a rose?
I don't bloody care is that supposed to be a joke or whatsoever.
I'm not happy with that at all.
NOT HAPPY AT ALL.
Who do u think u are?
What do u treat me as?
Do I make no different with other random girl that you could find on the street?
Grab me in your hand when you feel like doing so,
Throw me to some unknown bloody corner when you don't need me?
What is this?
We are not even in a bloody open relationship.
Yet,
You treat me like your spare tire in KK?
When you need someone to soothe you emotionally, you'll approach me.
When you are bloody out of this country, you treat me as air?
What the heck is this?
You might take a stand for yourself,
saying that you never mean this or whatsoever,
but sorry lah,
this is the feeling that you gave me.
All my friends been saying that,
you don't worth my time at all.
I deserve someone better.
I shouldn't follow your footsteps and hurt myself.
Yes,
I very much agree !
You are not ready to commit,
to be frank, I never expect us to develop into a deeper relationship.
Studies and all sort of things.
Neither do u nor I am ready to commit.
That is why I did not say much during my confession.
Was meant to be a session for me to let u know about my feeling.
However, it doesn't really work as what I thought.
Seems like you misunderstood me.
Oh well, I can't say that it doesn't matter to me anymore.
Yes, I am still very curious whether u ever like me.
But again, I am not a beggar.
I will not beg for your reply or answer or whatsoever.
I will not beg for your attention as well.
That's it.
I don't bloody care what's your stand for yourself or whatsoever.
That's it.
My limit has reached.
I'm too tired to entertain any of your nonsense act.
Physically and mentally tired.
We can still be friends.
But nothing more than that.
Stop doing things that are misleading.
I don't want to go through any of those any more.
I seriously surrender.
It is time for me to walk out from your world .
This will be temporary.
Until I recover from it.
Till then, sorry, I will treat you as invisible human being.
Don't blame me for being small gas or whatsoever.
After all these shits,
you can't blame me for putting a barrier on.
If you want, fine,
go ahead and put the blame on me.
I don't bloody care how inferior you are or what so other reason.
C'mon!
You can't possibly live in your inferiority forever!
Why feel insecure?
Is it that important of how others judge you?
Is it that important in going according to the norm of the world even if you don't feel comfortable with it?
C'mon, take your own stand!
Stand on your own feet like a man!
Stop giving yourself excuses!
You are not born to bloodily live in your inferiority!
Stop wasting your time and youth!
Where is your confidence?
Stop being inferior when you are born with a healthy body!
Those whom lack of certain body part can live out a legend and their very own colorful and awesome story,
Why can't you??
I don't see any reason that could justify your act.
Am I scolding u?
Oh yes, I'M BLOODY AM!!
Stop hiding behind your inferiority!
Live out your life!
Be confident of yourself!
No one can give you confidence but yourself.
No one can help you with that other than you.
This is your own life.
YOUR OWN BLOODY LIFE!
STAND UP LIKE A MAN ALREADY!
That's it.
Whatever way which ever way you want to think or bla.
I can't control.
This is my blog, my story.
MY BLOODY TERRITORY TO EXPRESS WHATEVER I WANNA SAY!
Like it or dislike it.
Suck it up and cross it!
BLEH!
Thank God for healing me and helping me in regaining my pace.
You are wonderful :)
I know You are with me forever and always.
I'll never be alone ^^
I shall not worry about tomorrow as tomorrow has it own worry.
That's all.
I know this is bloody long, but yeah,
byes :P
;
11:12 PM
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